Ciara's Third Reaction

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I find it difficult to say that I despise Amir because I know he hates himself more than I could ever hate him.  This week’s installment further reinforces this notion.  The pages seep with Amir’s guilt; in essence, he becomes his guilt.  His remorse takes over his entire being, changing who he is and how he lives his life.  In the first few chapters, Kossein makes it clear that Amir’s number one priority is to earn the love and acceptance from his father that he so deeply craves. We saw how intense Amir’s commitment was to this goal when Amir watched Hassan get raped without helping so that his moment of joy with his father would not be ruined.

 Now, after the rape, the Baba’s attention only brings Amir pain because he associates his newfound relationship with Baba with the night Hassan was raped.  He has everything he ever wanted; yet he feels emptier than ever.  What Amir does not realize is that this is the moment that Hassan needs him the most, even more so than the night of the rape.  If the tables were turned, Hassan would never have left Amir alone to fend for himself in that alley; however, if it had gotten to the stage where Amir was dealing with the post-traumatic stress of rape, Hassan would have made sure to be there for Amir every step of the way.  What Amir also does not realize is that he needs Hassan more than ever as well.  Hassan was his rock, his provider of unconditional positive regard, his confidence; his guilt has isolated him from Hassan and left him more alone than ever.

I keep thinking about the fact that Amir is writing this book twenty-five years later, and yet he still defines that moment staring down the alley as the most important moment of his life.  His life changing decision was made when he was only twelve years old.  He was immature, he was selfish, and he was unaware of the dramatic impact his decisions would have on the rest of his life.  In this way, I pity Amir; to have to witness and deal with a situation mature beyond his years, make the wrong decision regarding the issue, and then have to deal with the situation alone throughout his childhood is nothing less than pure torture.  I might be pushing it, but I feel like, in a different way, Amir’s torture is almost as bad as Hassan’s.  He is only twelve years old and he is struggling to deal with situations on his own that most adults with therapy cannot handle.  Is this novel meant as a confession? Has Amir held his secrets in for 25 years?